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It's OK To Not Be OK : Five Actions To Take When You Are Not OK.

Updated: Mar 17, 2021

How are you?

For most of us a quick “fine”, “ok”, and/or “good” is our usual answer.

It’s OK to Not Be OK…

True or False?

Say it again slowly and personalize it:

It’s ok for ME to not be ok.

True or False?

Most people would probably answer TRUE to that question for someone else. But would answer FALSE for themselves. I mean who really wants to be “not ok”? It feels crappy to be down, ashamed, weak, discouraged, lonely, off kilter…

When our friends and loved ones are “not ok” we love them, comfort them, encourage them, and speak truth to their hurting hearts. We give them the space and the permission they need to experience their feelings. We sit with them in their feelings.

Let’s practice doing the same for ourselves.

Five Actions to take to when you are not “ok”:

1. Give yourself grace and compassion.

2 Corinthians 12:9 says that “My (GOD’s) grace is enough for you."

Last year someone I coached was reeling from a broken heart – devasted and despondent. I just kept encouraging them to give themselves grace. To allow themselves the space and time they needed to work through their pain.

Let’s practice loving ourselves through our pain.

2. Acknowledge and accept your feelings.

Be real and raw to God first and then to yourself. Validate your feelings and share them honestly with God. One of the most damaging things we can do to our soul is to lie to ourselves and bury our feelings. We want to let the Light reach all the dark places of our heart.

Think of how it feels to sit and soak up the sunlight. Just to experience its healing warmth. Do the same with your heart – allow the SonLight to reach the coldest and darkest corners of your heart.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” – John 1:5

3. Forgive yourself and/or others.

One of the most important steps to healing and moving forward is to forgive yourself and the other person.

“Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.” (

I would also add to let go of any feelings of resentment and anger that you might have towards yourself too.

It is important to note that forgiveness is about you healing and you claiming peace. It might involve reconciliation with the other person, but it doesn’t have too. Sometimes it isn’t possible or healthy to be reconciled.

“Forgive other not because they deserve forgiveness. Forgive them just because you deserve peace.”

4. Seek to understand and grow from this season.

HOPE that there can be purpose to our pain and healing comes when we can discover that purpose. But we have to have the mindset that we will OVERCOME, we will understand the deeper lessons and growth.

“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way.” C.S.Lewis

When the storms of life descend upon us, we want to have a FaithShift in our heart, soul and mind – to go from “I am drowning.” To “I am growing.”

5. Remember even if you feel alone, you are not alone.

God, in His Word, promises us so many times to be with us, to never leave us, to strengthen us, to hold us, to comfort us…

It is up to us to believe Him, Trust Him, even when we don’t FEEL it.

That is Faith. Faith is never about our feelings. It is about believing and taking God at His word to do what He says He will do and to BE who He says He is.

Keep speaking (outloud if necessary!) Truth to lies UNTIL you believe the Truth.

“So, don’t worry, because I am with you. Don’t be afraid, because I am your God. I will make you strong and will help you. I will support you with my right hand that saves you.”

Isaiah 41:10

So, let me ask you again.

How are you?

It is OK to not be OK.

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