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The Three Conditions of Love

“Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It is not so much an active emotion as a state of being. It’s not ‘I love you’ for this or that reason, not ‘I love you if you love me.’ It’s love for no reason, love without an object.”

-Ram Dass

Three Conditions of Love…

Last week I wrote about Agape Love (All You Need is Love), the type of love descibed in 1Corinthians 13: 4-8.

God’s Agape Love for us is Unconditional. Our heart longs to embrace that love and to love Him, ourself and others with that same unconditional love.

Unconditional simply means - without conditions or limitations. Unconditional love is Absolute, Pure Love.

In order to love unconditionally, we need to look at the conditions we so naturally place on giving and receiving love.

The three main conditional statements that prevent us from unhindered love begin with IF, WHEN, BECAUSE.


I will love you if…..

We all have our list of “ifs” -

…if you call me, if you say you love me, if you spend time with me, if you don’t hurt me… .

When we define our love with

“if you ______, then I will love you",

we are setting ourself up for heartache and disappointment.


I love you when…..

This condition happens when we hold back from fully and completely loving until either the other person has met some requirement that is acceptable or proves to us his/her love for us.


I love you because…

This condition is based on behaviors or met expectations of the other person. It is a conditional rollarcoaster type of love. One minute giving love and the next minute withholding love.

These three conditions exist often because of fear. Our deep-souled fears of feeling rejected, unloveable, unworthy.

IF, WHEN, and BECAUSE are all defense mechanisms that protect us from both loving fully and unconditionally and from being loved fully and without limits.

Imagine those three words, IF…WHEN…BECAUSE… as blocks, that as we create our conditional lists, we are, in fact, building walls around our heart – one block at a time.

But... we can claim the Truth which tells us :

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” 1 John 4:18


“The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.”

-Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


So how do we move forward in unconditional love?

First, you become aware of your fears that are preventing you from being fully loved and from loving unconditionally. Take a few moments to reflect on the following:

  • What fears, beliefs, insecurities, lies are preventing me from allowing others to fully love me?

  • What fears, beliefs, insecuritites, lies are holding me back from loving others unconditionally?

Next, release those fears into the hands of our Father and claim His unconditional love for you.

“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God”

1 John 3:1

Finally, be aware of the conditional statements (blocks) that you have for God, for self and for others.

Complete the following statements:


I will love God if He __________________________________________.

I will love myself if I _________________________________________ .

I will love _____________ if he/she _____________________________.


I will love God when He _____________________________________.

I will love myself when I _____________________________________.

I will love __________ when he/she ___________________________.


I love God because He _______________________________________.

I love myself because I _______________________________________.

I love ____________ because he/she ___________________________.

Practice saying:

I love God.

I love myself.

I love ____________ .

Let the “ . ” be a FULL STOP and bravely love without conditions.



Thank you Father for your constant and eternal unconditional love for me. A love with no if, when and because...just pure Absolute Love. Fill my soul with your love so that I may love You, others and myself with your unconditional love.

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